“Come November 5th, let’s hope we can
wake up feeling like we’re home again.”

– k.d. lang in concert, 10/19/2008

If you haven’t voted already, tomorrow is the big Election Day. I am sooooo looking forward to having the elections over with…and I hope to delight in seeing President Obama sworn in next January.

But before then, people have to actually vote, and nothing can be taken for granted. Talk to your friends and family. Make sure they are exercising their right to vote tomorrow.

If you happen to have a friend who is one of the remaining three or four people in this country who is still “undecided,” perhaps the rights of LGBT families — and all “non-traditional” families — is the issue that will get them to vote for Obama.

Not sure what I’m talking about?

===OBAMA on LGBT Families===

Obama wrote a beautiful letter to Family Equality Council in response to the organization’s inquiry about his views on LGBT families. In it he wrote: “[E]quality in relationship, family and adoption rights is not some abstract principle; it’s about whether millions of LGBT Americans can finally live lives marked by dignity and freedom.”

===McCAIN on LGBT Families===

As for McCain? He said some things in the New York Times earlier this year about how gay people shouldn’t be able to adopt, and then back-peddled poorly when asked if that meant orphans were better off with no parents than gay parents. And to top it off, when Family Equality Council sent the same inquiry to him as they sent to Obama, McCain sent back a FORM LETTER addressed to “Dear Friend” with a promise to uphold conservative values.

The contrast is positively stunning. And the choice is clear.

===
Related links: FEC’s recent blog post on candidates’ responses.

LGBT for Obama.

[I'd offer "balance" here with a link to McCain and his views on LGBT issues...but there is none that I could find. 'Nuff said.]

Book Dads — a website for “fathers that read” — has published a review of Families Like Mine.

Here’s an excerpt:

Garner also discusses other issues that are not immediately obvious, such as the differing experiences of growing up gay (“Second Generation”) or straight (“Culturally Queer, Erotically Straight’) in a GLBT family, and what that means once you’ve become an adult. If you grew up going to Gay Pride parades with your fathers, what happens when you grow up to be a straight man but still want to go to Gay Pride? Along the way, Garner shows that understanding these issues also requires that we reexamine the meaning of ideas such as “culture” and “family.”

Read the full review here. The post also includes links to previous reviews that critique the book in wildly different ways.

P.S. The dads behind Book Dads also write a blog: Green Dads.

I’ve created a group to help spread awareness about my book as a resource for the Facebook generation.

All are welcome to join.

Here is the link.

The Mercury News reports at Del Martin died today at the age of 87.

She and her wife, Phyllis Lyon, were life partners since 1952. They were lawfully-wedded spouses as of June 16, 2008 when they were the first same-sex couple married in California.

A chapter in queer history has ended today, and for that, I am very, very sad. I am filled with joy, however, that Del Martin stayed with us long enough to be able to call the woman by her side her wife.

===

Related link: Kate Kendall’s tribute to Del Martin

The following message was sent to me by Debbie Barrett. When responding to any research request about LGBT families, please state upfront if you have been interviewed previously. Many researchers don’t think to ask, which sometimes leads to oversampling.

Disclaimer: Research inquiries posted on this blog are for informational purposes only and should not be interpreted as an endorsement by Abigail Garner. Additional questions should be directed to the contact named below, not Abigail.

SEEKING: Adults, (age 18 and older) who have lived with their heterosexual parents and now live (or lived) in a lesbian or gay stepfamily for a research study to fulfill requirements for a Doctoral Dissertation.

ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA FOR PARTICIPATION:

· You must be at least eighteen years of age.

· You must have lived with your heterosexual biological parents for at least three years.

· One of your biological parents announced she is lesbian or he is gay and therefore divorced.

· You must have subsequently lived or are currently living with your lesbian or gay parent and her or his same-sex partner for at least three years.

· You must live in Chicago or its surrounding suburbs and be available for an interview, approximately one and one-half hour in length, with possibility of a follow-up interview if additional information or clarification is needed.

If you are interested in signing up or finding out more about this study, contact Debbie Barrett, LCSW, CADC by telephone at (630) 217-7754 or debbiebar3@aol.com. All information will be kept completely confidential.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Melissa Etheridge, and I am glad that she is “allowed” to perform on the property of a Catholic College — even though she dares to live a life out loud with her partner and their children.

Still, the latest local effort for the Catholic Church to distance itself from “promotion” of homosexuality makes her upcoming appearance pretty ironic. Especially since I recently resigned from the College over this issue, and among the many places Etheridge has generously lent her voice to promote equality (or “promote homosexual behavior” depending on one’s perspective) is on the cover of my book:

I keep trying to make sense of where the line is being drawn when it comes to people from the LGBT community being visible within the Catholic Church and within its affiliated entities, including the College of St. Catherine. Just when I think I have it figured out, something happens that leaves me no less befuddled than before.

On a related note, the next “known homosexual” to appear at St. Kate’s will be k.d. lang.

I’m not kidding.

Today’s Minneapolis StarTribune published a vivid commentary about marriage equality, identity and family by Ashley Harness, a twentysomething daughter of lesbian mothers.

Read it here:
A love that, today, may dare to speak its name
by Ashley Harness
Minneapolis Star Tribune
Posted June 18, 2008

In addition to expressing her joy about California’s ruling, she also provides the backstory of her own experience growing up in her family. It’s a story that resonates with mine and many other queerspawn I’ve met. And like many adult children who reflect on their childhoods, the experience is seen most clearly after stepping out of the world in which we grew up:

It wasn’t until I got to college on the East Coast that I realized I had the emotional survival kit of a 50-year-old lesbian. Far from the example of my parents, most of my gay and lesbian peers paraded their sexuality like any other college kid in 2001. And while part of me felt they took the struggle of generations past for granted, I envied their freedom. I wanted desperately to live and love with the fearlessness of a post-AIDS-as-gay-cancer, post-Will-&-Grace, post-legalized-sodomy college student.

Ashley’s name will likely ring a bell for readers of my book — and my columns from way-back-when. She and I worked together on many queerspawn projects while she was a teen in Minneapolis. I interviewed her about homophobia in her school, and the article was very popular among teachers and school administrators. (See “Decreasing Homophobia in Schools,” Sept. 1999) A couple years after I wrote that, I had the honor of attending her high school graduation where she gave a speech in which she shared a podium with Coretta Scott King.

She once showed up to march in Pride with a sign she made:

A.I. Baby: All Grown Up.

Indeed. Go Ashley!

Marriage licenses in California are now available to all couples, regardless of gender. Get ready for fabulous photos and tear-jerking tales of celebration. The first couple to marry this evening will be Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin (below, in 2004) who have been waiting for this day since 1952.

If you are considering marriage in California for you and your beloved, it’s a good idea to take a look at these FAQ from Equality California.

Bad news: If you travel to California to get married, when you return home, your marriage certificate is legally worthless. (This, of course, doesn’t stop people from going just to make a statement and have the chance to spend some time in a place where their vows are honored.)

Good news: If you have a marriage certificate from Canada and/or Massachusetts, there’s no need to get one from California. The one you have counts in their state, too.

A couple of friends came over for dinner and I was showing them around my place. They complimented me on the awesome color pattern on the comforter on my bed, and asked where I got it. I explained that the cover was a gift from my Russ.

Russ had me pick out two flat sheets I liked, and he bought them for me and sewed them together to make a removable, easily washable duvet cover. (I have no clue how to run a sewing machine.)

Friend 1: Russ made that?! [*pause...wistful sigh*] I wish I had a gay dad!

Friend 2: I just wish I had a dad, period.

====
Related posts:

On Father’s Day, I can celebrate gift of two dads

My Father’s Day Commentary on “All Things Considered”